change isnt always a bad thing... or is it?

I've changed so much since high school and my friends (more like associates) cant seem to accept the fact that PEOPLE CHANGE. whether its for the good or bad, people do indeed change...


I'm not the same Thea that walked into Lutheran North almost 5 years ago. i was shy, quiet, a TRUE Christian, a virgin, ya know, SEEMINGLY innocent. i had been exposed to too much by the age of 13 to be innocent. anyway, i don't know that Thea anymore. sometimes i miss her but I've moved on...

This is her...



i TRIED to let my "friends" know that a change was taking place but when i tried to confide in them, they wouldn't listen. so soon, i quit trying... their loss.



back then i went to church every Sunday, Tuesday, sometimes Wednesdays and Fridays, and even Saturday mornings, then one day everything i THOUGHT i lived by didn't make sense to me anymore so slowly, it drifted away...and i let it. soon after, i stopped praying. i stopped reading my bible. eventually, i forced myself to stop thinking about God and religion.
no I'm not an atheist. i think there is a god but i also feel that that lifestyle isn't for me. although I've been told by man that i was "called" to do things for the "kingdom" I JUST CANT SEE HOW THAT COULD EVER BE ME..!


nobody ever understands when i try to explain how i feel about this so... i don't


anyway, that was Jr year.


Sr. yr to the present.
Aug. 1, 2008. i will never forget this date. it was the "day" i lost, no, GAVE my virginity away. i didn't LOSE my virginity, it didn't go missing. i GAVE it away. i gave it away expecting something in return but got nothing but a void; another empty space that needed to be full. so... i tried to fill it. how? by having more sex of course. did it work? nope and now that i think about it, I'm still trying. will it ever be full? probably not... bummer. I've had sex with 6 people. yep, 6 men in less than 2 yrs. (you do the math.) I'm not proud of this fact and i do have my regrets but hey, we live and we learn. right?


where were my "friends" while this was taking place? they were in the dark and its best that way because all they do is judge... I'm pretty sure i HATE them (with the exception of maybe 1 or 2)



i changed. i became a Rebel. self proclaimed of course, because no one knew of this lifestyle... today all they see is the tattoos and piercings but never who i really am...





i don't know how i feel about that.......





this is Thea the Rebel...

This isn't the full story but you get the idea...