it never ends... :)

he said, "Thea, you're interesting."

i said, "you think? how so?"

he said, "you just are! you're like a book with infinite chapters, i cant stop reading you!"

i smiled and said, "i love you."

its ok.......

my emotions are getting the best of me right now... and oddly... Im ok with that.

im crying because i happy.
im crying because im not.
im crying for YOU, her, him and me...

but...i dont mind....

"sometimes i wish i was like Mariella..."

"the things i do for love will NOT be the end of me..." (july 21, 09)

her mood remains unknown

as she allows her mind

to go back and rewind

his image, his words,

the few moments in time

they spent together

"he will always carry a piece of me,"

the girl thinks to herself

she needed a man's touch

the feeling of his masculinity

comforts her,

inducing peace & serenity

until...

his touch is no longer kind & gentle

but forceful instead

fear crept in her head

"dont say no to me" he said

but she did

and he did

to her the things she thought she wanted

what she thought would help her mind...

moments passed

glares shared

words exchanged

and as quickly as he came

she was left alone

again...

"i hate sex" she whispers aloud to none other than herself

the eye doesnt
see

its simply the mind's
tool.

but at times
the mind gets too busy

leaving the heart to
play the fool...

a fool at times the
heart may play

but its the mind that
we need not let stray...

-
Anonymous

Meet True

This one's my favorite. My friend made these for me. :)

I have something i NEED to say but the words cant seem to find the way out...

I... am a P.O.W

I NEED MY DADDY

emotional... sue me

so... i really wanna cry right now but i cant figure out why...

if i could fly away...

"my poems dont rhyme because
rhyme schemes are chains of bondage..."

i LOVE spoken word

cry for me (feb. 2010)

Cry For Me

i wanna cry my eyes out

i wanna scream

i want my tears to fall without reserve

i wanna release my anger without judgement

i wanna cry

i need to cry

not for you

but for me

not for my problems

or issues

but

for me

i need to cry for me

i live for me

i'm gonna die for me

but before i go

i need to

cry for me

i dont wanna waste my tears on someone not deserving. NO! Never Again! i'm gonna cry for ME!

July 2, 2010

on this date, I AM CUTTING MY HAIR. yep, i'm choppin it off. not too short though, i dont think i'm bold enough for that... YET. anywho, i REALLY like Rihanna's cut so i'm thinking of getting something similar but with a touch of Thea ;) i LOVE all of the these but the blonde cut is definitely my FAVORITE..!

yeah i'm a nerd...

...but he loves this nerd :)

irked

it really bothers me that this time isnt correct...

its 4:27am

Always seems to calm me by allowing my mind to wonder

change isnt always a bad thing... or is it?

I've changed so much since high school and my friends (more like associates) cant seem to accept the fact that PEOPLE CHANGE. whether its for the good or bad, people do indeed change...


I'm not the same Thea that walked into Lutheran North almost 5 years ago. i was shy, quiet, a TRUE Christian, a virgin, ya know, SEEMINGLY innocent. i had been exposed to too much by the age of 13 to be innocent. anyway, i don't know that Thea anymore. sometimes i miss her but I've moved on...

This is her...



i TRIED to let my "friends" know that a change was taking place but when i tried to confide in them, they wouldn't listen. so soon, i quit trying... their loss.



back then i went to church every Sunday, Tuesday, sometimes Wednesdays and Fridays, and even Saturday mornings, then one day everything i THOUGHT i lived by didn't make sense to me anymore so slowly, it drifted away...and i let it. soon after, i stopped praying. i stopped reading my bible. eventually, i forced myself to stop thinking about God and religion.
no I'm not an atheist. i think there is a god but i also feel that that lifestyle isn't for me. although I've been told by man that i was "called" to do things for the "kingdom" I JUST CANT SEE HOW THAT COULD EVER BE ME..!


nobody ever understands when i try to explain how i feel about this so... i don't


anyway, that was Jr year.


Sr. yr to the present.
Aug. 1, 2008. i will never forget this date. it was the "day" i lost, no, GAVE my virginity away. i didn't LOSE my virginity, it didn't go missing. i GAVE it away. i gave it away expecting something in return but got nothing but a void; another empty space that needed to be full. so... i tried to fill it. how? by having more sex of course. did it work? nope and now that i think about it, I'm still trying. will it ever be full? probably not... bummer. I've had sex with 6 people. yep, 6 men in less than 2 yrs. (you do the math.) I'm not proud of this fact and i do have my regrets but hey, we live and we learn. right?


where were my "friends" while this was taking place? they were in the dark and its best that way because all they do is judge... I'm pretty sure i HATE them (with the exception of maybe 1 or 2)



i changed. i became a Rebel. self proclaimed of course, because no one knew of this lifestyle... today all they see is the tattoos and piercings but never who i really am...





i don't know how i feel about that.......





this is Thea the Rebel...

This isn't the full story but you get the idea...

under construction

dont mind me... just trying to find a look i like... not much to choose from. i wanna design my own...

complete chaos

UGHHH! there's so much running through my mind right now idk what to write! i need an ESCAPE and this (writing) isnt helping...!

I JUST WANNA

DISAPPEAR...

point.blank.period

Deep Dark Forest Green

is the story of my life.

My heart

Meet my heart, VJ. VJ is my BEAUTIFUL baby sister. i will do ANYTHING for this kid. and i do mean ANYTHING. she's easy to love and loves easily :)

GREATEST KID IN THE WORLD!!

last night i had a HORRIBLE dream that my heart... died. it was the most painful thing i could've ever experienced. even in my dream i felt pain. it felt as if the world had come to an end...

i called her today. i miss her sooooooo much words cant even express. when i heard her voice... i cried. tears of relief.

i see her tomorrow. cant wait :)

horrible day

eyes opened to the reality of a lie.

when will it end?

1st impressions

i'm not very good at those things called first impressions. actually, i hate em! it puts entirely too much pressure on me. i'm sitting here thinking oh so hard about this FIRST blog.

"what should i say?"

"how should i say it?"

"should i say it at all?"

FORGET THAT!!

you'll find out who Thea is sooner or later. :)

but until that day comes... this "1st impression" will have to do